EDITORIAL HUMOR

February 1999

By David Trumbull

The Lack of Evidence of Its Existence is the Surest Sign the Conspiracy is Working

 

OK, it's easy to laugh as Jesse "The Body" Ventura takes office as Governor of Minnesota. But I, for one, am not surprised that Minnesotans elected the well-known bruiser. Professional wrestlers are showmen, and this is an age that exalts celebrity (consider how seriously Hollywood actors are taken when they speak on topics they know nothing about). However, behind Ventura's win, is a troubling reality.

Ventura directed our attention away from the real story of a conspiracy to subvert our democratic system. Although his victory did nothing to stop the conspirators' takeover of the U.S. House of Representatives, it did slow down their plot to capture of the Presidency of the United States. I speak, of course, of the international amateur wrestling conspiracy.

Amateur wrestlers disdain the gaudy professional sport with which they share a name but little else. Serious wrestling, the kind they do in school gymnasia while the world looks away at more flashy entertainment, is the last place you'd expect to hatch a plot for world domination. Nevertheless, it is that very element of implausibility that allows this, and all great conspiracies, to operate while escaping scrutiny.

None Dare Call it Conspiracy

Consider, if you dare, an intricate scheme to take over Congress. They arranged to get Newt Gingrich first re-elected to, and then demoted from, the Republican leadership. They even threw us a red herring--Craig Livingston. Who among us knew it was all an elaborate ruse to keep our attention focused away from the real Manchurian Candidate--Denny Hastert. Then BAM! Just when Congress had impeached the President for executing an illegal hold on an intern, former wrestling coach Hastert is chosen Speaker of the House, the man second in line after Clinton for the Presidency.

Who knows how far the wrestling cabal would have gotten had not Jesse "The Body" pinned them down in the light of national media glare. Any conspiracy needs secrecy to operate, but Ventura helped people draw the connection between wrestling and politics. This was particularly damaging to their plans to win the Democratic nomination for President in 2000.

A bad back that hindered campaigning, was the stated reason when Minnesota Senator Paul Wellstone announced in January that he was ending his White House bid. This was a double set back for the conspiracy as Wellstone let slip out that he had first injured his disk as a college wrestler.

Co-incidence? I think not. The evidence is compelling for those who will see it. The wresting conspiracy is betting that you won't notice how they are slowly gaining power through election and other means. Minnesota has a wrestler in the executive office. Is Massachusetts next?

After all, Governor Paul Cellucci does owe some of his success to his 1990 and 1994 political spin meister, former Boston Herald wresting reporter, Charley Manning.

It Can't Happen Here

The international wrestling conspiracy seeks nothing less than global domination. In every nation, whether through perversion of the election process or subversion of the ruling class, they plot their goal of total control. Bay State residents take note of the crowning of a new king of Jordan, educated at a Western Massachusetts preparatory school. I bet you didn't even know that King Abdullah was captain of the wresting team at Deerfield Academy.

 

David Trumbull is Chairman of the Cambridge Republican City Committee.