POST-GAZETTE - Res Publica

What Are You Going as This Hallowe’en?

by David Trumbull -- October 28, 2011

Still undecided about a Hallowe’en costume? Here are some ideas.

For the men: with car keys, a couple of beers, and a “get-out-of-jail-free” card bearing the phone number of the White House you can go as Onyango Obama, the president’s illegal alien uncle who got picked up in Framingham for drunk driving.

Here are a couple that work for either sex. With a fright wig and a bad attitude you can be President Obama’s illegal alien aunt Zeituni – you know the one who lives in public housing in Boston. Or wrap yourself in your grandmother’s living room drapes, don a Jheri curl wig, and douse your head with catsup – go as the dead Muammar Gaddafi.

The history buff might consider a red coat and 18th century firearms. Go as a British soldier from the April 1775 to March 1776 siege of Boston. They were the first group to “Occupy Boston” – today’s protestors might do well to remember that it did end well for those occupiers.

How about going as all of the 2011 Boston Red Sox? You can pick up a Mickey Mouse outfit at the Disney Store – if ever there was a Mickey Mouse outfit, it’s the 2011 Red Sox.

You could dress up as Christopher Columbus. You’ll be in good company. That’s the costume the mayor of Somerville picked for himself this year. Just be sure your legs look good in tights. Speaking of looks, a young lady who can pull it off can dress as a sexy Barbie-doll, handcuffed and holding a bottle of vodka – in other words, go as Lindsay Lohan. Young men who work out at the gym and are not shy about it could go as a young Scott Brown – that’s an easy one, no costume required, just a strategically placed staple in the center fold.

And the easiest Hallowe’en party costume of all— just don’t show up at the party at all; later, when people ask about it, tell them you were Hurricane Irene, this year’s most over-hyped no-show.

[Thanks to All That Zazz for suggesting Gaddafi and Lohan, and to Karen B. for suggesting the Red Sox.]